Major Mike Delivers a Legendary Eulogy for the Colonel.

Motivational Talk from the Major:

You’re probably wondering why the fu.ck I’m here. Let me reassure you that you’re not the only ones wondering that.

How do I know the Colonel?
I served with the Colonel in Russia…we shared a room and he told me of his vision of a secret society, based on the principles of charity, friendship and integrity. He also told me some strange stories about naked Russian pygmies covered in goose fat. But that is probably why he is being buried today in a big wooden coffin with two large bulges in the mid section to accommodate his massive inflamed testes.

Why am I here?
To pay my respects for the Colonel, God rest his soul. But also to remind you of his values and to remind you that life is short and we must sometimes take a step back from our busy lives to appreciate the important things in life. Like friendship.

You are probably reaching that stage of your life when you get settled down with women, buy a house, take your jobs seriously. You FU.C.KING MORONS. What are you playing at? You’ll be divorced before the Olympics get to London.

Life is for living, you never know when your time is up. Today might be your last day and if today was your last day, how would you spend it? I think you should enjoy today as if it was your last. Enjoy your friendships, enjoy the laughter and the good times, and enjoy this, the last ever TOL.

Get stuck in, don’t hold back, and enjoy this special day. Because while the good times don’t last forever, they might just help you get through the difficult times. Today will be a good time.

And maybe, just maybe, you’ll remember this good time for ever.

Do the old Colonel proud, and get stuck into some smelly little bit*hes along the way.

But watch out for those nasty diseases, the likes of which felled the colonel.

Table of Legends, I salute you!

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